Finding Refuge Read online

  Ian grinned at her. “How was fishing, Andri?”

  “Good.” She shifted her gaze, warmth spreading through her when eyes the blue of a winter sky met hers. Heaven help her, Travis was handsome, dressed in a creamy button-down shirt and navy trousers.

  Surprise crossed his face. “What, you fish?”

  Oh-ho, she’d caught his attention without even trying. That kind of made up for the fact she looked a mess. A shiver of delight rippled along her spine. “Fly fish, yeah. Had to go a ways to find good conditions, but a bad day fishing is still better than a good day at work.”

  “True.” He looked impressed. “I did not see that coming.”

  “I’m full of surprises. Speaking of which, why are you here?”

  His lips curled into a sexy smile. “My presence was requested for dinner.”

  Rachel entered the room from the kitchen, red hair braided in tails on either side of her neck. “Oh good, you’re home.”

  The grin slowly spread across Rachel’s face as everything clicked together in Andri’s head. Rachel was playing matchmaker. Terrific. She fixed Rachel with the most dagger-filled glare she could manage, then glanced at Travis.

  He looked back and forth between her and Rachel, his smile dimming slightly, eyes shadowing. “Hey, Andri, I can take off if this is a problem.”

  She instantly switched to damage control mode, unwilling to hurt his feelings no matter how much she’d like to strangle her friend. She smiled at him. “No, it’s fine, but I would have loved five minutes to shower before I ran into you. A girl has to preserve some illusions, like that she always looks halfway decent.”

  His appreciative gaze dragged over her. “Oh, I don’t know. There’s something very attractive about a woman who’s all windblown from fishing.”

  She ignored the hot flash bursting over her skin, a little mortified over how easily his soft tone made her pulse bounce. “Yeah? I smell like the river, too, if that floats your boat. I’m going to hop in the shower.”

  She beat a hasty retreat upstairs, grabbed her robe out of her room, and locked herself in the bathroom. Okay, clearly Rachel was bent on getting her together with Travis. She stripped and stepped into the shower flow. She trusted Rachel’s judgment, and she’d known the man forever, so Andri turned the idea over again for a fresh look.

  If she was planning to stay here, assuming she could find a job, then maybe she should continue seeing him. He didn’t want anything heavy, right? That was a point in his favor. Plus, she’d have someone to do things with until she got established and could meet new people. She’d probably see him frequently anyway when hanging out with Rachel. Maybe they could at least be friends. Yes, that’s it. Develop a friendship. Maybe with a few benefits on the side. Dating buddies. Nothing serious.

  Andri endured a cooler than normal shower, for the sake of her sanity, and made her way to the kitchen fifteen minutes later. An ivory headband held the damp hair off her face, and she smoothed the tail of her pink cotton shirt over her clean black shorts as she came down the stairs. She wondered if she imagined Travis’s double-take when he looked up from the cutting board on the counter, where he stood chopping lettuce for a salad.

  “I see Rachel put you to work,” she said, taking the plates from Rachel as she passed her and placing them on the table.

  He smiled. “Actually, Ian started dinner, and I’m not one for letting another man suffer in the kitchen by himself.”

  Rachel snorted. “Andri, don’t listen to him. He loves to cook.”

  “Guilty as charged.” Travis chuckled, turning his attention back to his vegetables. The man liked her outdoorsy side and knew how to cook? Andri stifled a sigh. She’d given an inch on being willing to maybe try dating, but she’d fall a freaking mile if she wasn’t careful.

  The door leading in from the back deck opened and Ian leaned in, the scent of sizzling beef from the gas grill wafting into the house with him. “Andri, how do you want your steak?”

  “Rare enough that a good vet can still save it.”

  Ian laughed and Travis nodded approval. “Woman after my own heart.”

  Andri set the last plate and left Rachel to distribute utensils and glasses. She passed by Travis and swiped a freshly cut tomato wedge from his cutting board. He growled at her, then added the tomatoes, cucumber slices and chopped mushrooms to the salad bowl with long, dexterous fingers she ached to have against her skin. Nothing major, really. Just to hold her hand. That’s all. “My, my you are a domestic soul, Mr. Holt.”

  He shot her a dark look, the effect ruined by the humor in his eyes. “Hey, I’m just doing whatever I can to move things along, since I’m hungry. Purely self-preservation.”

  She reached for a snappy reply, but couldn’t find one. The slow, sexy grin spreading across his lips mesmerized her. A flicker of heat sparked deep inside her, and she mentally shook herself, trying to tamp it down. Luckily, Ian saved her, pushing the door open, balancing a platter of sizzling steaks.

  Travis surprised her when he set the salad bowl on the table, then stepped over and held her chair as she sat next to Rachel. He settled across the table from her.

  Conversation picked up easily between the four of them, the way words should flow with ease at a family table. Of course, in her family, words frequently overflowed, as likely into loud arguments as into shrieks of laughter, especially when visiting extended family. Either way, tears regularly followed. Here, in Rachel’s home, there didn’t seem to be much arguing, but there was always plenty of warmth and kindness, with meals offering nourishment in the form of emotional support as well as food.

  Travis fit here, a testament to how long he’d known Rachel’s family. He poured himself another glass of iced tea.

  The conversation rolled along, with each of them contributing details of their day. When Ian explained the curriculum of the training camp he was heading to in Lake Placid, New York, in a few days, Andri found her focus shifting repeatedly to Travis. She took in the little details of his appearance, like the pinky finger on his right hand that looked a little crooked and didn’t seem to bend quite right. When had he broken it?

  She glanced at his tanned, clean-shaven face when he wasn’t looking at her, surreptitiously studying his strong features. She could be friends with him. Probably. The twisting heat in her belly reminded her just how much she wanted to kiss him again. What were the chances that she could do that, spend time kissing him and still keep herself from absorbing the pain she knew lurked inside him? If she could just keep her heart from engaging…

  She rose, taking her plate to the sink. The sudden silence caught her attention and as she mentally backtracked, she realized she’d exited a spirited conversation without warning.

  Three pairs of eyes studied her as she turned around. “Um, great steak, Ian. Sorry, don’t mind me. I’m just going to step out and get some air.” She smiled as brightly as she could, then escaped through the back door.

  She dropped onto the porch swing, propped her elbow on the wood arm, leaned her head against her hand. Andri closed her eyes and drew a deep breath, letting the cool pine-scented air flow through her, easing her pounding heart. Soon, she heard the back door open, and footsteps crossing the deck. A floorboard in the middle of the deck creaked when stepped on. She recalled it being the same when she spent time here during college. Rachel’s dad must have never gotten around to fixing it before he retired and moved to Florida.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  Her eyes flew open at the low, smooth sound of Travis’s voice. “Be my guest.”

  Travis lowered himself beside her, seeming careful not to touch her. He pushed off slightly with his feet, putting the swing into gentle motion. “It’s nice out here. I always liked this swing.”

  “Did you have one at your home, growing up?”

  He shook his head. “Uh, no. Not my mother’s style. She’s an elegant woman. Something this quaint wouldn’t work with her decorating schemes. She has an amazing garden, though.
She lets the plants do as they will. It’s as wild and loose as she gets.”

  “She sounds like an interesting woman, but I think she missed out. Every house should have a porch swing.”

  “Did you, growing up?”

  “Oh, yeah. We had a tiny front porch, just big enough for a swing beside the door. It was always one of my favorite spots. I did more serious thinking, and more daydreaming, there than anywhere else.”

  His voice softened. “And which are you doing now?”

  Andri turned her head and found Travis studying her, concern shadowing his eyes in the golden evening light. “Neither. I’ve been thinking all day. Time for a break.”

  He nudged her foot with his own when he gave the swing another push, but she couldn’t be sure if he’d touched her intentionally or not. “So what were you thinking about all day while playing with the fish?”

  The question jolted her a bit, signaling a more serious turn in the conversation. “Life.”

  “Major subject. Come to any earth-shattering conclusions?”

  “Yeah. I’m not going back to Phoenix. I’m going to settle here in Utah, assuming the job hunt is successful.”

  “Oh, really?” He looked a little stunned, then smiled at her in that slow, sexy way that made her stomach flip.

  “Really. And, you know, if I’m going to stay, I could use a social circle. Want to be my friend?”

  His expression brightened. “Sure.”

  That was easier than she’d expected. “Good. I’ll need help moving.”

  Travis groaned. “Figures. There’s always a catch to the friend thing.”

  “What are friends for?”

  He appraised her for a moment. “Here’s a topic for you, friend. Rachel said the roses inside were from your ex.”

  She sobered. Still a little twinge of inadequacy, but she’d gone a long way in getting it out of her system today. “Yeah. They were to say thank you. Things are working out for him. His life is going in a far better direction since I backed out of his little scheme. I’m really happy for him.”

  He shook his head, chuckled softly. “I think you’re the only woman I’ve ever known who would say such a thing, given the situation. God knows I can’t be that charitable about my ex.”

  “Tell me about her.” The words came out before she could stop them, followed by a moment of sheer panic. Did she really want to know? Especially if that was the source of the misery locked inside him. Maybe it wasn’t too late to retract the question.

  Travis looked at her for a moment, an edge of old pain etched in his expression as he seemed to weigh his words. Finally, he drew a deep breath and slowly released it. “I met Melody at a party, a barbecue a friend of a friend held, the summer after I finished my MBA program. I’d dated when I had time, but suddenly I was out of school, just working, and I really had the time to pursue a relationship. She was someone new. I thought she was hot and she found me interesting, for whatever reason. I think that was the biggest appeal. She came on strong, and I was only too happy to go along for the ride.”

  Okay, so far so good. Maybe this wasn’t too deep a subject. Plus, friends knew things about each other. She wasn’t getting too close to him yet. “When did you get married?”

  Travis ran his fingers down the swing chain, the thick metal links stark against the red and pink splashes of sunset coloring the clouds over the mountains. “I asked her to marry me just before Christmas, trying to be perfectly romantic, you know? To make it even more disgustingly sweet, we married on Valentine’s Day.”

  “That’s one way to ruin a holiday. Happened to me, too. Peter and I got engaged on Valentine’s Day.”

  He cracked a smile. “So you’re with me on boycotting the holiday.”

  “Oh, yes.” She suddenly pictured herself and Travis next Valentine’s Day, gleefully burning sappy greeting cards, then challenging each other on some video game filled with over-the-top violence and lots of blood. Perfect.

  “The first year was okay. After that, we fought all the time. Things fell apart.” He shifted beside her, and she felt the gradual change in his mood as he spoke. “Nothing major was wrong, you know, but everything was wrong at the same time. Next thing you know, it’s ‘irreconcilable differences’ in legal papers. After we divorced, she moved to California. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. I’m sure she’s equally grateful for that.”

  There was more. She could see the tension in the way he held himself, in his fingers drumming against his thighs. His jaw tightened and in that moment, he seemed a million miles away.

  She couldn’t stop herself, needing to bring him back from the obviously painful place he’d gone. She laid a hand on his forearm. The contact sparked in a bolt of light zipping across her skin.

  He covered her hand with his, cascading warmth through her. Then his gaze locked onto hers and her breath caught. The storm clouds swirling behind the dark blue before the gates slammed shut pained her.

  His expression cleared and he squeezed her hand. She squeezed back, her inherent need to shoulder his burdens ebbing. “Well, aren’t we a pair of walking relationship disasters?”

  He shrugged. “Not exactly walking. Swinging, at the moment.”

  She giggled and he laughed with her, further lightening the load on her heart. She could do this. She could manage her responses to his pain, avoid sacrificing herself on the altar of the darkness locked up inside him. Avoid turning into her dad.

  They sat in silence for a moment, watching the brilliance of the sky fade until a strong breeze kicked up from behind them. Tendrils of her hair lifted, blowing across his shoulder and into her face. She turned toward him as he reached up with his free hand. He smoothed her hair away from her face, scooping a handful of wavy strands into his palm and caressing it with his thumb.

  Andri swallowed hard, her heart tripping at the gentle pressure of his hand in her hair.

  He looked at the strands for a moment. “Your hair is so pretty,” he said softly, a huskiness edging his words. His gaze flicked up to hers, the deep blue even darker in the growing twilight. His focus dropped to her mouth and she didn’t dare breathe as he tucked her hair back over her shoulder. His fingertips traced along her neck, where he surely saw her pulse beating like a hummingbird’s wings. Up, to her jaw, to her chin.

  She gasped as he leaned down, his fingers nudging her face up, his warm breath against her lips. Yes, oh, yes.

  A staccato burst of noise from the neighboring yard jolted her and she pulled back as he threw a sharp glare next door. “Firecrackers.”

  Andri concentrated on calming her pulse, relishing the connection of his hand holding hers, but mourning the kiss she’d lost. “I recall those being illegal.”

  “Yep. Sounds like someone made a trip to Evanston already to prep for the Fourth. As long as they don’t shoot off any aerials, they probably won’t get caught.” His gaze returned to hers, but the heat, the moment they’d nearly had, was gone.

  She should be grateful. Wouldn’t this all go much smoother if they stayed in the friend zone for a while before playing with the potential benefits?

  Travis gave her hand another gentle squeeze, then released her. He set his feet against the floorboards, stopping the swing, and stood. “I’d better go. I have some bids to look over tonight.”

  She rose to walk him out. “Taking work home with you?”

  He stretched, grimacing as if a muscle twinged when he moved. “It’s what I get for spending so much time out on site lately. Have to pay the price eventually.”

  Travis opened the door and ushered her through into the kitchen. Rachel had apparently cleaned up without their help. Andri felt a tiny prick of guilt at that, but hey, this whole evening had been Rach’s idea, so perhaps cleaning was her just punishment.

  Andri followed him down the entry hall to the front door. Craving one last connection before he left, she brushed her fingertips across the back of his hand.

  A thrill jogged her heart when he grabbed
her fingers and gave them a light squeeze before stepping through the doorway.

  He turned back to face her. “Tell Rach thanks for dinner. I owe her one.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. She gave me a chance to talk to you. Do you think you’ll answer my texts now?”

  She enjoyed the tingle of excitement for two seconds before pushing it away. “I might even answer your calls. Goodnight, Travis.”

  He smiled, just enough to crease his dimples. “Goodnight.”

  She closed the door, then watched him through the sidelight as he walked to his truck, illuminated by the solar pathway lights. He looked so good, his shoulders just the right amount of broad, his hips just the right amount of narrow. He had a really great butt. And his taste…her mind jumped back to that evening in his truck, wrapped in his arms. She couldn’t help craving more. She dropped the curtain and pressed her forehead against the heavy wood door, still warm from the heat of the day.

  He would haunt her dreams tonight. She knew it, and there wasn’t a single thing she could do to prevent it.

  Andri turned away from the door and nearly leapt out of her skin when the doorbell rang. When she opened the door again, Travis stood there, a sheepish grin on his face.

  Her heart kicked into high gear again as she hoped for one crazy moment that he’d decided to kiss her again before he left. “Hi. Welcome back.”

  He shook his head. “It’s just for a minute. I wanted to ask you—my mother holds an annual fundraiser for the children’s hospital. It’s coming up at the end of July. If you’re planning on sticking around, would you like to go with me?”

  Bubbles of joy rose inside her, spreading a glow likely visible a mile away. “I’d love to.”

  He returned her smile. “Thanks. It’s black tie, but it’s generally an enjoyable event.”

  Wow, a big deal. That meant shopping. Serious Shopping, with a capital S, not easy shopping at one of the many cheapish big box options she favored. Not her favorite activity, mainly because her taste didn’t always coincide with what stores had to offer, but she’d make the effort. “I’m game.”