Finding Refuge Read online

  He said nothing, only reached over and took one of her hands in his. She realized then she was trembling. She never meant to have a deep conversation with this man, and yet, here she was, smack in the middle of one with no hope of a quick resolution. Nowhere to go but forward. “He treated me with perfect chivalry, and I assumed he was old-fashioned. I never suspected a thing until I discovered him enjoying a little afternoon delight with his boyfriend. I put the pieces together really fast after that.”

  He winced. “No wonder you needed to escape.”

  He caressed her fingers, offering a gentle comfort. The threat of impending tears stung her eyes and she blinked hard, swallowing them. She’d be damned if she’d cry. That would be a horrible way to end the date. There was something else she could do, though. Something that would offer as much comfort as shedding tears and do much to repair the tattered edges of her self-esteem. “Escape isn’t all I need. I realize I’ve been used and walked on. I need to remember how to assert myself and make sure my needs are met.”

  Rachel was right. She needed some fun. And she needed a man to really look at her as a woman, if only for a little while. This man didn’t want any entanglements. That made him perfect for this moment. She locked her gaze onto his as she reached up and drew her fingertips down the side of his face. His eyes darkened and he sucked in a sharp breath as she traced one finger over his lower lip. That was precisely what she needed most. His interest, that glint of desire in his eyes.

  He swallowed, his voice rough when he spoke. “What do you need, Andromeda?”

  She refused to stop and think. “Right this second? Travis, I need you to kiss me.”

  ****

  Travis’s logic raised its head for a split second, but she dropped her hand to his chest, her lips parted slightly as she drew a breath, and all that mattered was giving her what she wanted.

  He leaned forward, sliding his fingers into her thick, silky hair, bracketing her face with his hands. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, then her eyes slid closed as he pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her gently, caressing her lips, soft and full beneath his own. His heart skipped with every hitch of her breath, and her hands glided over his shirt and up into his hair, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. He traced his tongue along her lower lip, and the whiskey sound of her low moan shot straight to his groin. She parted for him and he dipped his tongue into her delicious heat.

  He pulled her into his arms, angling his head for better access as they explored each other, her tongue meeting his stroke for stroke, her little whimpers of pleasure tingling in his blood. Her hands trailed down his neck, flexing and kneading his shirt against his chest, sliding over his ribs to his back, urging him closer.

  She tightened her arms around him, holding him, infusing him with her warmth, her sweet, small breasts pressed against his chest. In that crystalline moment, he connected with how desperately he needed to be touched. Followed almost immediately by the realization that he was a split second from groping a girl in his truck like some horny teenager. With a silent curse, he ended the kiss, pressing his lips to her cheek then holding her as their breathing evened out. Andri leaned back first, letting a little air flow between them. Her gaze churned with confusion, flecked with desire.

  Then her expression cleared, as walls slammed shut behind her dark eyes. His own armor thickened in response. This wasn’t going anywhere. Nor should it.

  Andri smiled as they let each other go, separating without recoiling from each other. “Thanks, Travis. I had a great time tonight.”

  “You’re welcome, so did I.” He paused for a moment, searching for something non-committal to say, but it became irrelevant when she placed her hand on the door. The night was over. Travis shook his head and held up a finger to make her wait, then got out and jogged around to open her door.

  His heart still pounded harder than necessary when he took her hand to help her down, her fingers cool in his light grip. He kept hold of her as he walked her to the porch, registering through the remnants of desire fritzing out his brain that she didn’t make any move to pull away. No. There was nothing to this. It was friendly, that’s all. A nice date, a new friendship begun, and friends held hands sometimes.

  She stepped up on the stairs and faced him, closer to his height. She opened her mouth to speak when a car door slammed. He released her hand and looked over his shoulder as Rachel approached from the driveway, a grocery bag swinging from her hand.

  “Hi, guys.” Rachel edged around Travis and stopped on the stairs next to Andri. “How was dinner?”

  “Great,” Andri said. She smiled, the version that didn’t reach her eyes, not the one that pierced the fog in his soul. He warred with the desire to fix that while a part of him sighed with relief. Easier to walk away like this.

  “Yeah, good food, good company,” Travis said, welcoming the easy exit Rachel’s appearance created. He couldn’t have Andri. Correction, he shouldn’t. He never wanted his own heart ripped out again, but his top priority was ensuring he didn’t hurt her either. “I’d better be going, Andri. I have an early day tomorrow.”

  “Thanks again for dinner. I had a good time.”

  “My pleasure.” He nodded a farewell at Rachel, then retreated to the safety of his truck.

  He cranked up the rock music on the way home, refusing to think about Andri. Once home, though, her image took up space in his head and refused to leave.

  Travis sat in the dark, on the leather couch in the main room, staring up at the flood of blue light from the saltwater aquarium dancing on the ceiling. It had been way too long since he was genuinely attracted to a woman. So long that while his brain comprehended why he would never have a relationship with Andromeda Miller, his libido refused to accept no for an answer.

  He’d forced himself away from her tonight, but getting close enough to touch her in the first place had been a less than stellar idea. It had been so damned long since he’d allowed himself the simple pleasure of a real kiss, and kissing her was so very good, but if he made the mistake of losing himself in her, he’d doom them both.

  Everything inside him tightened a notch, still feeling her beneath his fingers. He wrenched his thoughts away from the screaming physical attraction and considered what he’d learned about her. He’d never known a woman quite like her. She’d surprised him, showing him traits he admired. Honesty, kindness, sensitivity to difficult subjects.

  She gave the simple expression of a smile a depth and warmth he’d never seen. She talked about her broken engagement, clearly a painful subject, without calculation or guile. And, damn, that hadn’t been one of his best moments, had it? He’d instantly judged her motives, assuming she wouldn’t try to work things out before he had the slightest clue what had gone so very wrong for her. She had every right to hold his immediate accusation against him, but she hadn’t. She just calmly explained.

  He cursed himself and went into the office to check his email. So far, Andri was all those things he didn’t want her to be, and that made it brutally difficult to get her out of his mind. He answered a couple of messages, his attention only half on what he was doing. He could all too easily picture her in his life, taking up residence in his home, in his bed. He couldn’t go there. Did she want children? That question hadn’t surfaced, though it wouldn’t surprise him to hear she wanted a full house. God, he didn’t need his imagination going there, but he couldn’t yank his thoughts away, either.

  He’d never have children. He didn’t dare. It was bad enough to fail other adults in his life. It would break his heart to fail a child.

  Andri deserved far more than he could give her.

  Travis firmly placed her on his off-limits list. No matter how much his body craved her, he wouldn’t allow himself to hurt her. He couldn’t see her again. If he did, his desire for her might overwhelm his good sense, and then he would do something they’d both live to regret. He’d marry her.

  ****

  Andri sat at the heavy pine table in the farmhous
e after Travis left, her brain—and her hormones—good and frazzled. She made a point of not thinking about him, about his kiss, while waiting for Rachel to find the ice cream scoop.

  She loved this vintage kitchen. The old wooden cupboards retained their distressed look, and red gingham checked curtains and modern appliances in early American styles added to the feeling of homey, old-fashioned living. Someday, if she ever had a house rather than an apartment, she wanted a kitchen like this.

  Rachel cheered with success and returned to the table with the scoop and two spoons in one hand, bowls in the other. She took a chair across the table corner from her. Andri reached for the shopping bag on the end of the table and pulled out the mint chocolate chip ice cream, then took the offered scoop and dished up a bowlful.

  Rachel’s green eyes glittered with that time-to-gossip look, but she said nothing as she scooped her own dessert. Andri sighed, letting a spoonful of ice cream melt in her mouth until her friend squirmed in her seat and tapped her fingers on the table. Curiosity was killing her.

  “Oh, all right,” Andri said. “I can see the suspense is getting the best of you.”

  “Can you blame me? Two of my best friends go out to dinner, and I have to hear about it secondhand, and you’re not spilling.”

  “We ate at Tia Maria’s Grill. We talked. He brought me home.”

  Rachel’s eyes flashed with frustration. “No! I require details.”

  Andri indulged her, with tidbits from what they ordered to how he draped her wrap across her shoulders and some of the subjects of conversation. She found herself stopping short of revealing the intimate details of their conversation, like the way his expression clouded talking about his mom and his brother. Clearly, things were not all sunshine and roses in the Holt family.

  The Garretts were close to them, so Rachel probably knew the details already. She could ask her to fill in the blanks, but decided against it. If she wanted to know more, she owed it to Travis to get details directly from him.

  And she didn’t want to know more, she was certain of that. Already she felt the pull to him, the desire to take care of him, to soothe away his hurt, waking and stretching inside her. She refused to make her dad’s mistakes in her own life.

  “Did he kiss you?”

  She’d known that was coming. She did her best to look indignant and offended. “None of your business.”

  Rachel waved her spoon dramatically. “Hey, the man’s got a mouth made for kisses.”

  A sharp tingle zoomed through her. Oh, God, yes, the gentle caress of his lips, the slow sweep of his tongue against hers, the way his hands tightened in her hair. She still felt the heat they generated, coiled in her core. “For someone who notices details like that, I’m surprised you’ve never kissed him.”

  Rachel made a face. “Gross. That’d be like kissing Ian. Besides, I’m turned on by a little more badass than Travis has in him. And tattoos are always a nice bonus. So, did he kiss you or not?”

  Andri’s cheeks heated and triumph crossed Rachel’s expression. “Hah, I knew he kissed you.”

  “Once. Briefly.” She had to stop thinking about it, stop feeding the desire to feel his lips on hers again.

  “Liar. So, when are you going out again?”

  Andri’s heart flipped, and she forced herself to find calmness again. He hadn’t said anything about seeing her again, which filled her with equal measures of disappointment and relief. “We’re not. He didn’t ask to see me again.”

  Rachel growled, annoyed. “Stupid man. I hate saying that, because I know he’s not stupid. Look at you! You’re pretty, smart, talented, fun to be with. What was he thinking?”

  She appreciated her friend’s support, but the more Andri thought about the evening, the better she felt that he hadn’t asked her out again. She had too many things to think about right now to be starting a relationship. “Rach, you said yourself he’s not looking for anything. Tonight reminded me that I’m not really ready to be dating, either. If he does ask, I’m going to turn him down.”

  “I don’t approve of that plan.”

  Andri smiled at Rachel’s reaction. She was a great cheerleader, but this wasn’t something she could push her into. “Sorry to disappoint you, dear.”

  They had nearly finished the ice cream when Rachel’s brother, Ian, walked into the kitchen, wearing biking clothes. The clingy yellow and black fabric showed off his lean form, hugging his muscular thighs and butt. With his fit body and attractive face, it’s a wonder he didn’t drag a horde of off-season ski bunnies everywhere he went. “Hello, ladies.”

  “Hey. Want some ice cream?” Rachel pushed the carton across the table.

  Ian tucked a thick lock of dark red hair that had pulled loose from his ponytail behind his ear, then rummaged through the refrigerator, emerging with a plate of leftovers he put in the microwave. “Dessert comes after real food, Rach. How did dinner go, Andri?”

  “Fine. Travis is a really nice guy.”

  He turned a penetrating gaze on her. “Then why are you drowning your sorrows in ice cream?”

  She stopped herself before she denied it, because it had finished up that way. Well, not drowning sorrows so much as smothering desire, but the concept correlated. “I’m fine, really. He’s easy to talk to, and we had a lovely time.”

  Ian leaned on the table, pushing his forelock out of his face, a concerned expression in his brown eyes. “He’d better have behaved himself. You’re a sweet girl, Andri, and he’s a bit of a player lately. Haven’t seen him with the same girl twice.”

  Rachel snorted. “Travis is harmless. It’s Danny who’s trouble.”

  Ian nodded. “Fact.”

  Andri bit her tongue to keep from asking for details. She didn’t want to get involved, couldn’t let herself get wrapped up in whatever drama Travis was coping with in his family. She knew better.

  The microwave dinged and Ian pulled his plate out. “Anyone want to come watch TV with me? I might even let you hold the remote.”

  Rachel agreed. Andri tagged along, glad for the distraction, and dropped onto one end of the family room couch. She’d enjoyed Travis’s company, all of it, from the small talk to the searing heat of his kiss. But there was a whole network server full of baggage locked up inside the man, probably riddled with malware and viruses too, and she knew better than to let herself consider getting involved with him. She’d pay for it too dearly.

  Chapter Four

  “Earth to Travis.”

  He caught the sound of his father’s voice at the edge of his thoughts and wrenched himself into the moment. Travis looked up, surprised to see Terrence Holt sitting on the edge of his oak office desk, a stack of papers clutched in his beefy hand. “Morning, Dad.”

  Terrence’s salt-and-pepper brows knitted. “You awake today, son?”

  Travis scrubbed his fingers through his hair and yawned. “I’m tired. Haven’t been sleeping too well the last few nights.” Especially last night. True to form, discovering Danny was getting into trouble again brought the dreams back. The anguish knotted around his heart and left him drained when he woke up. He’d kill for a solid eight or even ten hours, but he knew from bitter experience how many more restless nights he faced before his brain would finally let him sleep in peace.

  His dad reached over and patted him on the shoulder. “Sorry to hear that. Did you notify all the subs about the change in start dates for the Bridlewood shopping center?”

  “Peggy did yesterday.” His office manager had kept his head above water here while he sorted himself out on the job. It was probably time to give the woman another raise.

  “Good, good.” Terrence surveyed the folders, plans and assorted paperwork filed by pile on the desk surface. “You’re looking busy.”

  “I am, thanks for noticing.”

  “You ought to dish some of this off on Danny. Give the boy something a little meatier to do.”

  Travis leaned forward in his leather chair. “Is Dan here today?”


  His father nodded. “Just talked to him on my way in here.”

  Well, that was a step in the right direction. Danny really had been more reliable since his last stint in rehab, up until this week when he fell off the wagon again. Maybe having to retrieve him from Misty’s yesterday was a solitary blip on the road to recovery.

  Travis cranked down on the relief trying to surge inside him. Much as his heart wanted to believe Danny was okay, his head knew better. Danny wasn’t out of danger, not by a long shot. Still, his appearance in the office felt downright positive.

  “I’m really glad he’s here,” Travis said. “Every time he doesn’t show up, I panic.”

  Terrence shook his head and sighed. “Son, you have to stop that.”

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop spending all your energy worrying about Daniel.”

  “He needs help, Dad.”

  “And you’ve given him help. But at some point, you have to let him live the life he chooses, Travis. He’s going to do what he’s going to do. You can’t force him to live your way.”

  God, that was cold. Worse, it sounded like his mother talking rather than his father. “I can’t let him self-destruct.”

  “You can’t let your life hang in the balance of whether he decides to straighten up or not.”

  Frustration simmered inside Travis. “Well, he’s here. I’ll go put him to work.”

  “I need to get back to work myself.” Terrence eased off the desk, then winced and put a hand on his chest.

  Travis jumped up, a ripple of fear coursing down his spine, and grasped his father’s elbow to steady him. “Dad, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s nothing. I think I have a respiratory thing coming on. My breathing just gets a little tight lately, and it makes my chest hurt. I need to have Dr. Shandel call something in for me.”

  “You should probably go in for an appointment.”

  His father shrugged. “I just had a checkup six months ago, and I’m the healthiest sixty-four-year-old he’s ever examined. But if the doc thinks he should see me, I promise, I’ll go in.”